I wrote this sometime in October, 2013
I was so INSPIRED to WRITE this blognote for my daughter.. It's really nice to look back and reminisce the PRECIOUS moments I spent with her and I really miss the baby-ness;-). I wish I have the time machine to bring them back for real:)
Today is about her.. My HEART is full of GRATITUDE for the 18 years of EXISTENCE. (well, take note 18 years was also added to mine..isn’t it REWARDING?.. (sighhh...golly, grey hair, grey hair GO AWAY!..lol..)
Yes! My girl turns 18 today, a blessed SABBATH ...nothing but love so let’s talk about LOVE in a different FORM..A husband to his wife...a brother to his sister or a friend to her/his best friend...every HUMAN RACE holds a STRONG LOVE in their hearts for one another but a kind of love that a MOTHER HOLDS for her children is the most~~POWERFUL THING.. WORDS aren’t enough to describe it...ooppss!;-) your Mom DESERVES A KISS today.. GIVE her one of yours!.. HOLD her tight... it means a lot to HER Go!..give the LOVE
0..1..2..3..4.......>>>>> my love meter has exceeds 101+ % this time...
I'd like to tell her how she brought in to this world and share the highlights of my life to UNDERSTAND, APPRECIATE the beauty and the essence of GOD’s Most Beautiful Creation ---- a FEMALE BODY for a significant purpose regardless of her strength..her weakness..her culture and beliefs...race..religion...her mental, emotional state... Her shapes and curves....
Unfortunately, I'm starting from zero as the fire that broke out before has swallowed all the PHOTOGRAPHS of YESTERDAY thus I’ve searched for a beautiful artworks online and draw them in my sketch pad (hmm..I run out of pages, ekk;-D)..To sum it up, I spent 2 days working on it!:-)..I’m all SMILES for every artworks I've done.. It’s THERAPEUTIC!!:)..
Peeps! If you have the moment to read..your choice;-) I would appreciate the time.. here's some of the GLIMPSE.. Thanks in advance!
I call this blog “WHEN LOVE POURS”…..
To the sweetest child of mine,..i have a mountain of advice for you today:) pay attention!;)
YOU are CONCEIVED in a watery ENVIRONMENT inside my soft belly, highly CONCEALED with amniotic sac while swimming in that WARM FLUID that PROTECTS your DELICATE tiny body... your soft FRAGILE skin...How MIRACULOUS to think that you were SECURED/KEPT in the SAFEST place where nothing or no one can harm you------the WOMB, GOD-given gift to every woman. HIS love is just PERFECT♥
My BELLY has been your crib, your pillow, your lullaby and have CARRIED you for nine months and nothing can ever EQUAL with that kind of CONNECTION of a mother to her child...our BOND.. Surreal! You were given the strongest LIFELINE in the universe to SURVIVE~~such a miracle of UMBILICAL CORD...You were in a cephalic position..Your SENSITIVE head was CUSHIONED and very much PROTECTED with great comfort at all times, while you sleep. I wish I could describe to you the right words…You are SECLUDED with LOVE
As the days went by, I have had this AMAZING JOY knowing that a small human being was GROWING inside me.. My body has changed and you strongly stretched my belly to its limits and as the bump slowly gets bigger each day measuring in at 28 inches…30 up to its widest part, there were red marks appeared/formed on my skin…I didn't mind it...EVERY LINE is a story of your LIFE.. a story to TELL...It represents your MILESTONE and reminds me of what LOVE and SACRIFICE really MEAN
By the way, Dear Mommies/women:) whether you like it or not, no matter how it looks like and how you hide it… CHILDBIRTH changes everything, Mommy and Daddy..our LIVES change..you'll going to LOVE and APPRECIATE your postpartum belly..the sagging extra curves..every pounds..gait walk and the famous stretchhh marks;)..how could we hate any of it when we know our child is the cause of those TATTOOS of LOVE;) especially when you get to SNUGGLE your baby..when you HEAR the first cry and SEE the first smile.. when you get your FIRST KISS..and when she or he CALLS you..MOMMY OR MOMMA…nothing you can do to resist the CHARM but a SWEET SURRENDER;) .. so keep on REJOICING Earth Mamas!
Ok going back!.. The moment of CONCEPTION*****Things weren't hard for me in the whole course of pregnancy...No complaints.. well-behaved..No nausea or heartburn.. no cravings and had no big appetite...I just love to soak myself in the water like a fish that seek for oxygen.. SLEEPING was my favorite activity, I can sleep even at warzone...promise;)..As you grow, you manifested so much MOVEMENT.. Your favorite spot is the right side of my belly; I got KICKED a lot any time of the day or in the middle of the night, you were SUPER ACTIVE. And whenever I rub my tummy you would RESPOND and MOVE like a strong waves as if you're ripping out of my tummy.. I swear you were playing with me...a whole new world...I miss those kicks, really:-).I've no idea of your gender, but I have suspected that I'm going to have a BABY GIRL because my OVARY screamed for it;)
GOD's hands are MAGNIFICENT?..HE really took HIS time to DESIGN Conception, Labor and Giving Birth. A beautiful process. A Wondrous WORK indeed!..
But you know what? I got these SYMPTOMS of Braxton Hicks when you were 8 months in my tummy.. Alarming.. I really thought you going to come out of my COCCYX;) Doctor said a false labor! Phew!...I was told to get a complete bed rest and i was given the medicine. Our lifesaver!You survived that dreadful alarm!
Oh No! It's LABOR;-)..Just the day before our FIRST meeting, I felt the cramps starting at the back and moving to the front, at first it was bearable but feeling uneasy, then I realized, I will be MEETING you anytime in the next few hours so I immediately took a hot bath as my CONTRACTIONS were coming one every 30 or 20, 15 minutes. I had NO FEAR, as I have no idea how much pain I am going to be in or how I am going to COPE with it. I BREATHED in and out, slowly and deeply. I laid awake all through the night trying to cope up and my contractions was getting real INTENSE, the pain was becoming LONGER in LENGTH then they would entirely disappear for a few seconds...Oh my, if only my lower abdomen could talk for every stabbed of pain...i was so exhausted and it was hard to manage the pain..progressing in strength.. short.. sharp.. stabbing for about 10 or 30 seconds ..they would vary from from 10 9 5 minutes until there was nothing in the gap between ..I was told I was only 2-3cm.., I couldn’t spell the word CONCENTRATION anymore ..I wish we can SPEED UP the DILATION in a snap of a finger. Now i believe a woman has this kind of soul that emerges to a GIANT to CARRY out a great WORK.Oh LORD my GOD.. You are magnificent for this creation!
Wow! I'm GIVING BIRTH;) ****the next morning I was taken to the hospital and was hooked up to the monitor and got examined..I was begging everyone to end up my agony.. as in everyone, even the janitress.... I really tried to sleep, I did but after a while, here’s the ;)witchy witch:), ready to shot me with his I think, 27 gauge needle..ugh!!;) .. I was so mad at him and kept telling him in higher note “why did you wake me upppppp”..lol..I have a very low tolerance when it comes to pain.
I don’t recall the next steps but the pain was subsiding.. then somebody whispered to me and said “ma’am wake up its time for me to twist your spine..JOKE!,,:D.. he said, It’s time for me DELIVER my baby, everything seems to be clear now. Back to my senses, I remember the doctor was giving instruction on how to GENTLY PUSH the baby and when the FINAL MOMENT came, ROARRRR!!;D:D...my UTERUS just did a BACKLIFT..;D I did 3 push and there was YOU. IMAGINE THAT!?. I was in LABOR PAIN for almost 24 hours and you just came out of 3 push...well, the pushing past was like a candy crash..SO DIVINE;).. it blew me away...I felt no pain...I can’t believe the strength, a sudden rush but a wonderful RELIEF:) .. and the sound was like a water flowing that TOUCHES my hands:) .. giving me solace..pretty dramatic...I really thought I would never get there.. It’s AMAZING that something that hurts so badly can be so WONDERFUL…Thank God for EMPOWERING me;-) I made it through;-)
NOW THE WHOLE PICTURE;)....Lo and behold, weighing 6lb 3oz, Kristiana was born on thursday, 5th October 1995 at 10:45pm.
That was a SPECTACULAR scene . Bringing a NEW LIFE into this world is really amazing! Life meeting life, you came raw, natural beauty of ill nakedness…completely clean from vernix…a SOFT BUNDLE ♥…the innocence is nothing but PURE MAGIC:) . GOD allowed me to have that beautiful EXPERIENCE and I know childbirth is not for every woman or not given the CHANCE, but for EVERY child is BORN.. there is a CELEBRATION of LIFE..HOPE and HAPPINESS. HE gave me the right amount of STRENGTH and ENERGY to carry you through...I’ve got the whole WORLD in my HANDS when I first HELD you…the world STOPS!... ♥ LOVE in its PUREST form.
< 3 ♥ ♥ You ROCK MY WORLD~~I wouldn’t change for the world all the SNUGGLES and the CUDDLES we had when you were a baby..(sigh, i miss having a baby around) ♥ ♥ I’ve co-slept you since day one and you never had much tantrums and never gave me sleepless nights especially when you are TUCKED next to me..uninterrupted hours...I LOVE ♥ watching you sleeping.. I love ♥ the mornings and late nights and your feet on my face...there were times when i would wake up and see your face close to mine and you would give me your sweetest smile..FEELS LIKE HEAVEN;) :) ♥ sometimes in the middle of the night I would see you CRAWL as you try to grab your milk, take note! With your eyes close. Lol..we had plenty of tummy time. The babbling conversation were so DELIGHTFUL. PRICELESS♥ ♥ ♥
And today, you officially entered the ADULTHOOD; no longer a baby.. now you can BUILD your own world of great DISCOVERIES :)and have all the freedom to EXPLORE your POTENTIAL that will REQUIRE your better UNDERSTANDING and KNOWLEDGE.. your WISDOM:) Some would NOT be EASY to deal with. I repeat! It’s not EASY!. Some would make you cry and would TEST your PATIENCE, sometimes it would even give you the feeling like you almost want to give up.. Run away. That’s normal. Just PAY attention!.. Those are bumps and you will ENCOUNTER them along the road.. They will get in the way. sometimes, PURPOSELY get in the way.. it OFFERS many CHOICES to discourage/encourage you. Be NOT afraid and DONT lose sight of your goals ♥ ♥ Embrace them with BRAVE HEART ♥. You would stumble… STAND Up.. Momma is cheering for you! I TRUST YOU FOR EVERY MOVE AND ACTIONS YOU MAKE! I’m your number 1 fan! ♥ :-*
♥ You will meet different types of people with similar INTEREST, VALUES and INTENTIONS:) At this point, it will REQUIRE your BETTER JUDGMENT. Again, some would make you cry and would go against and stab you,…others may use you or may become ABUSIVE.. GUARD YOURSELF and BE EQUIPPED to handle it and if you get to hear unkind words, sting of rejection, always remember with me around, you will be TREATED with so much LOVE..♥ ♥
♥ ♥ Others will bring you JOY and LAUGHTERS for good times and even bad times or for the rest of your life and will stick to you no matter what. FRIENDSHIP is beautiful thing. :) ♥ you can have as many friends as you want but let me REMIND you this; EVERYONE may NOT be your friend but that doesn’t mean that you can't be KIND to everyone...above all PRACTISE kindness ♥ ♥ you know, when you’re being kind, it will comes BACK to you.. the secret FORMULA .:) ♥ ♥
Some people would HATE you..:-/ Laugh at you, at your mistakes,:-/. They will make issues;} flapping their mouths with nonsense drama and stories to ruin you...they will push you to the limit until they break your spirit. Don’t be surprised, promise! That’s how they RUN their life…never WASTE your energy (they don’t deserve it). Don’t hold GRUDGE~~a POISON!...ANGER could SWALLOW you completely!.. remember this, people are too darn opinionated (that includes us.. NO excemption) and sometimes we would never win, from your own ears to other’s mouth~~the WORDS CHANGE so before you flap your mouth.. bat an eyelash);) and sleep..lol...play a nice song, grab a book and chillaxxxxx!... ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ Everyone LIVES what makes them HAPPY :), all of us. Everything has its end and our days on earth are numbered. Maybe you know a WORD from JAMES, OUR LIVES PASS LIKE A VAPOR:).. we suffer, we sacrifice but keep the smile and always find FORGIVENESS ♥ ♥ to enjoy life no matter what you have or what you don’t, no matter who you with. CHIN UP and attract the good vibes. Stay HUMBLE but DONT let anyone step on you and I WILL NOT LET ANYONE TO INSULT YOU AGAIN.
One of the best things that GOD wants you to EXPERIENCE on this earth is FALLING in LOVE.. TIME will get you there.. No need to hurry things, it can wait. Don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment:) Always learn to STEP BACK and BREATH! If you get hurt, tears WON’T KILL you and always remember I will always have ENOUGH room for you in my ARMS. enjoy the love and be happy ♥
♥ ♥ I may not be a PERFECT mother...I've had my share of mistakes.. shortcomings ..”sablay moments”. In fact, I always missed out the PTA meetings and other activity.. well, I did because I know you can handle it...hehehe..(palusot.com...lol)
♥ ♥ WE all MESS up in life and if u do, PICK the LESSONS, don’t LOOK back and MOVE forward:)I've had REGRETS and these things that I’m telling you are just a part of my LEARNINGS. I have WEAK points too. PERFECTION means NO mistakes and perfection only EXISTS in HEAVEN ♥ ♥ . NO one is. WE can only IMAGINE that but may this remain an inspiration to you, a guide to minimize or to avoid from doing something you would regret later on in life. As a mom, I don’t want you to experience the same things.♥ ♥ From conception- womanhood-motherhood, each stage requires LOVE, SECURITY and PROTECTION and that’s what I’m giving you ♥ ♥ ♥
I always LOVE ♥ ♥ your STRONG and INDEPENDENT spirit.. your SIMPLICITY:) :). You have so much COMPASSION ♥ ♥ ♥...the ENDURANCE of a warrior:)You have beautiful PERSONALITY and that reminds me of my own mother, obviously, all the love ♥ ♥ and her compassion went directly to your gene pool...;);) I love the SIGHT of you and her while she HOLDS you tight every time she READS the bible and SING a melody of praise..(lump in my throat now):).. I give her all the CREDIT for the beauty that I SEE in YOU today. Her SEEDS have grown in you.♥ ♥ ♥
Thank you for being a good girl. ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ Kristiana, you will always be SPECIAL in GOD's eyes. ♥ ♥ May you CONTINUE to FILL your CROWN with STARS ;):)and let it SHINE to others. for every adversity is crown of life, together we will overcome any hurdles with such strength... NO MOUNTAIN HIGH baby!;-) ♥
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